Thursday, January 29, 2009

Claire To Moxie Translations

Now, I've only had a dog for about a month, but I have quickly figured out that what I say and what Moxie hears is totally different. Things are getting lost in translation, causing plenty of confusion. Moxie is a sweet dog, but this is getting ridiculous.

Read on for the translations I've recorded thus far. Are there any pet owners out there who can offer some more?

Claire says: Leave it!
Moxie hears: Leave it, but if you really, really want it, feel free to take it.

(Moxie riding in the back of the car)
Claire says: Thank you for being such a good girl back there!
Moxie hears: Please come sit up here next to me!

Claire says: Come out from under that deck this instant!
Moxie hears: Come out from under that deck, and be sure to roll in the dirt on your way out!

Claire says: Watch me!
Moxie hears: Watch me and sit perfectly still, making me think I have the best dog ever. Then, just as I am about to praise you for being so good, start squirming like a maniac in your attempts to say hello to the dog that is walking by, giving the owner a heart attack.

Claire says: Sit!
Moxie hears: Please wait to sit until I actually force your behind down. Then stand right back up!

(Trying to get Moxie in the crate)
Claire says: In!
Moxie hears: Run around the room a few times, getting progressively closer to the crate each time, convincing Claire you are about to enter, only to go halfway in to retrieve the treat Claire dropped and then sneak back out quickly. Repeat as needed.

Claire says: Hold still so I can brush you.
Moxie hears: Please perform some sort of odd doggie dance that allows you to be brushed but causes your poor owner wrist pain while she contorts herself holding you still.

Claire says: Come!
Moxie hears: Only come if there is a treat or a walk involved. Otherwise, this command is merely a suggestion that need not be heeded.

Claire says: I love you, you crazy dog.
Moxie hears: I love you! You are the best dog over and my dearest wish in that you lick my face.

9 comments:

TwistedSerenity said...

This made me chuckle so much! I have 3 dogs (spoiled ones at that!)

Bee and Rose said...

Hee hee hee! My parents were just talking this morning about going to the animal shelter to give a home to a doggie. I am emailing your post to prepare them for the new language they need to learn:)

our fantasy said...

hehe.. My harley dog is the same. I love how they do everything you dont want them to do. How they can go crazy but you cant be mad when you look at their sweet face! This was such a cute post.
Just visiting from SITS. Great to meet ya!

DomesticDivasFancy said...

Ha...My dogs speak that same language too! I have 2 of them, the are nuts, but I love em.

Michelle said...

I just found you from SITS. Congrats on being saucy this week. Love love love your blog. I'll be visiting often.

I swear whenever I talk to my pooches all they hear is "Food food food food eat eat eat."

Leah said...

Oh that is too funny!

Three Dog Days said...

I say, "Pie, Sit while the professional photographer takes your picture." and Pie hears, "Whine the entire time and just barely remain seated, because this experience is the most exciting thing that ever happened to you." I say, "Pie, let's try hearding some sheep." And Pie hears, "Lets pretend you are a wolf and you can eat the sheep." I say, "Fancy, you are only allowed on the couch when I say so." And Fancy hears "...untill the second I leave for work." And Bloom doesn't hear anything... Aren't dogs fun?!

RandomWonders said...

LOL we have an extremely hyper dog-42 (his name)- he does his absolute best to be good but when we say sit, he sits and very eagerly scooches closer and closer to us until he is right next to us, then ALL his energy bursts outta him and he's all over the place!

Visiting from SITs =]

Rachael said...

i love dogs, they are so funny. karma used to do a dance whenever she saw people. she would wiggle her butt and get so excite i had to wonder what planet she was from.