Now, I've only had a dog for about a month, but I have quickly figured out that what I say and what Moxie hears is totally different. Things are getting lost in translation, causing plenty of confusion. Moxie is a sweet dog, but this is getting ridiculous.
Read on for the translations I've recorded thus far. Are there any pet owners out there who can offer some more?
Claire says: Leave it!
Moxie hears: Leave it, but if you really, really want it, feel free to take it.
(Moxie riding in the back of the car)
Claire says: Thank you for being such a good girl back there!
Moxie hears: Please come sit up here next to me!
Claire says: Come out from under that deck this instant!
Moxie hears: Come out from under that deck, and be sure to roll in the dirt on your way out!
Claire says: Watch me!
Moxie hears: Watch me and sit perfectly still, making me think I have the best dog ever. Then, just as I am about to praise you for being so good, start squirming like a maniac in your attempts to say hello to the dog that is walking by, giving the owner a heart attack.
Claire says: Sit!
Moxie hears: Please wait to sit until I actually force your behind down. Then stand right back up!
(Trying to get Moxie in the crate)
Claire says: In!
Moxie hears: Run around the room a few times, getting progressively closer to the crate each time, convincing Claire you are about to enter, only to go halfway in to retrieve the treat Claire dropped and then sneak back out quickly. Repeat as needed.
Claire says: Hold still so I can brush you.
Moxie hears: Please perform some sort of odd doggie dance that allows you to be brushed but causes your poor owner wrist pain while she contorts herself holding you still.
Claire says: Come!
Moxie hears: Only come if there is a treat or a walk involved. Otherwise, this command is merely a suggestion that need not be heeded.
Claire says: I love you, you crazy dog.
Moxie hears: I love you! You are the best dog over and my dearest wish in that you lick my face.