Today is my half birthday. In just 6 months, I’ll be 30. And I have to admit, that’s an age I’ve looked forward to for a long time. When I was younger, women in their thirties seemed so glamorous and grown up, and I’ve always had high hopes for myself upon reaching that age. Now that I’m almost 30, women in their thirties still seem so glamorous and grown up, and I’m starting to wonder how I’ll fit in.
See, the problem is that I’m still a kid. I’m not sure how I managed to fool everyone and trick them into thinking I’m an adult, but I’m not. I really don’t understand who authorized me to get married, buy cars and houses, and worst of all, have a kid. That’s grown up business, not meant for kids like me!
Yet…
I find myself paying bills and taxes, worrying about how much longer my house’s roof will last, wondering where to send Laura for school next year. My husband and I discuss nuclear bombs, our future, the state of our bank accounts. I hear myself saying distinctly mom-like things to Laura. My back hurts sometimes. I buy sympathy cards for the losses my friends and family members have suffered, I read about war, I worry about my daughter. I have my own business. I’ve already had talks with Laura about body parts, jealousy, and death.
I suppose perhaps I’m an adult after all. But when did that happen? And why do I still feel like an impostor?
2 comments:
I have almost 20 yrs. on you and i still feel like an imposter! There are times when I hear certain music, or am around wild children that I know I am an adult because it is so annoying, but it is a real shocker when I see someone who looks like an old lady, and I realize they are my age. You know what they say "age is a state of mind". I wish I would have been happier about being in my "thirties" they really are the best years in my opinion.
I agree with Patty...I'm 32, and I really don't feel like it. I'm enjoying my 30's....now the looming 40's that seems downright scary!!
Hope you're having a good week. Any luck on finding your mojo yet?? Did you check under your bed? Or, maybe in the pile of missmatched socks that we all have....
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