Crisis Of Conscience

Poor Laura is starting to grapple with something she's never had to worry about before: her conscience. In her younger days, she felt very loose and free to do whatever she pleased, and had no concern whether it was good or not. Then as she got a little older, the only thing she really seemed to take into consideration was how much trouble she would get in if she did something wrong. Apparently my punishments were never enough to convince her to behave in the future, because she usually just kept causing trouble. But now something is messing up her plans for world domination (aka destroying Mommy's sanity). Her struggle is so severe that sometimes I can practically see the little angel and the little devil sitting on her shoulders.

Case in point: Laura has a little angel statue in her bedroom that I gave her for her first birthday. It is super cute, and wasn't expensive at all. The only problem is these statues aren't made anymore, so once this one is broken, that's it. The poor little angel has already had her two little wire ponytails broken off (no repair possible) and has been decapitated once (repair possible, although now her neck is longer). On Friday as I showered, Laura played in her room and eventually focused her attention on her little angel.

This time it was the little wings, attached to the body with a tiny spring, that got her attention. How long she agonized over whether or not to play with the wings is anyone's guess, but right as I got out of the shower, she flew into my room crying and clutching the angel. I saw right away that the wings, while still attached, were bent and now faced to the side. The angel will now only be able to fly a crooked path, if at all. Laura sobbed and sobbed (have I mentioned before that's she very dramatic?), and informed me that she "didn't want to did it but I did!!!"

Finally I got her to calm down, fixed the wings a little bit, and asked her what she meant. She told me that she really didn't want to play with the wings because she knew they were "breakaful" but that she did play with them. She was so heartbroken; over the wings, over the confession, over the not listening to herself that I could see no admonishment was necessary on my part. Later when we told the whole story to the Army Man, he tried to explain to her what a conscience is. I think she understood somewhat, because she vowed to listen to herself from now on. Of course it won't be easy. She's four. There is still plenty of trouble to get into. But I'm glad to know that sometimes that little angel on her shoulder speaks up.

And as silly as it sounds, I almost like her angel statue better now, with no ponytails, bent wings, and a cracked neck. It just seems more representative of Laura. Nowhere near perfect, but still as sweet and lovely as can be.